Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
