did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
