So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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