Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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