i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
