OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
