I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize