I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
