conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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