i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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