my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize