well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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