Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
