woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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