You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??