yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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