dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
