I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He felt like a one man threesome
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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