When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
