id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
