You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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