i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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