I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
