im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
