He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
