You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
