woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my sisters under your porch take her home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
