it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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