I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
