I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
