Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
