In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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