I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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