i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
