just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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