definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
