stop calling my apartment porn island.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
