When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
