Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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