I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
