I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
