Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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