please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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