He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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