So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Barsexuality is the new black.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
