I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
