So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
