Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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