so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
