She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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