i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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