I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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