I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
