Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
