By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
