btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So. Much. Porn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
