So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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