i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
