he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
