Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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