I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
