I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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