She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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