You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
