I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
