I faked an abortion last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
