I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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