Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
