i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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