May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
