The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
