Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
