it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
