Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
